Classic · A Christmas Carol · Charles Dickens · 1843 · 5:32

A Christmas Carol · Stave One (Part 2)

A Christmas Carol audio drama, Stave One unabridged: Fred asks his uncle to Christmas dinner; Scrooge would boil merrymakers with their own pudding.

NarratorEbenezer ScroogeFred, Scrooge’s nephewThe portly gentleman

He had so heated himself with rapid walking in the fog and frost, this nephew of Scrooge's, that he was all in a glow; his face was ruddy and handsome; his eyes sparkled, and his breath smoked again.Fred, Scrooge’s nephewsurprisedChristmas a humbug, uncle!said Scrooge's nephew.Fred, Scrooge’s nephewYou don't mean that, I am sure?Ebenezer ScroogeI do,said Scrooge.Ebenezer ScroogeMerry Christmas! What right have you to be merry? What reason have you to be merry? You're poor enough.Fred, Scrooge’s nephewCome, then,returned the nephew gaily.Fred, Scrooge’s nephewWhat right have you to be dismal? What reason have you to be morose? You're rich enough.Scrooge having no better answer ready on the spur of the moment, said,Ebenezer ScroogeBah!again; and followed it up withEbenezer ScroogeHumbug.Fred, Scrooge’s nephewDon't be cross, uncle!said the nephew.Ebenezer ScroogeWhat else can I be,returned the uncle,Ebenezer Scroogewhen I live in such a world of fools as this? Merry Christmas! Out upon merry Christmas! What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer; a time for balancing your books and having every item in 'em through a round dozen of months presented dead against you? If I could work my will,said Scrooge indignantly,Ebenezer Scroogeangryevery idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!Fred, Scrooge’s nephewpleadingUncle!pleaded the nephew.Ebenezer ScroogeNephew!returned the uncle sternly,Ebenezer Scroogekeep Christmas in your own way, and let me keep it in mine.Fred, Scrooge’s nephewKeep it!repeated Scrooge's nephew.Fred, Scrooge’s nephewBut you don't keep it.Ebenezer ScroogeLet me leave it alone, then,said Scrooge.Ebenezer ScroogeMuch good may it do you! Much good it has ever done you!Fred, Scrooge’s nephewThere are many things from which I might have derived good, by which I have not profited, I dare say,returned the nephew.Fred, Scrooge’s nephewearnestlyChristmas among the rest. But I am sure I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round—apart from the veneration due to its sacred name and origin, if anything belonging to it can be apart from that—as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow-passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys. And therefore, uncle, though it has never put a scrap of gold or silver in my pocket, I believe that it has done me good, and will do me good; and I say, God bless it!The clerk in the Tank involuntarily applauded. Becoming immediately sensible of the impropriety, he poked the fire, and extinguished the last frail spark for ever.Ebenezer ScroogeLet me hear another sound from you,said Scrooge,Ebenezer Scroogeand you'll keep your Christmas by losing your situation! You're quite a powerful speaker, sir,he added, turning to his nephew.Ebenezer ScroogeI wonder you don't go into Parliament.Fred, Scrooge’s nephewDon't be angry, uncle. Come! Dine with us to-morrow.Scrooge said that he would see him—yes, indeed he did. He went the whole length of the expression, and said that he would see him in that extremity first.Fred, Scrooge’s nephewBut why?cried Scrooge's nephew.Fred, Scrooge’s nephewWhy?Ebenezer ScroogeWhy did you get married?said Scrooge.Fred, Scrooge’s nephewBecause I fell in love.Ebenezer ScroogemockingBecause you fell in love!growled Scrooge, as if that were the only one thing in the world more ridiculous than a merry Christmas.Ebenezer ScroogeGood afternoon!Fred, Scrooge’s nephewNay, uncle, but you never came to see me before that happened. Why give it as a reason for not coming now?Ebenezer ScroogeGood afternoon,said Scrooge.Fred, Scrooge’s nephewI want nothing from you; I ask nothing of you; why cannot we be friends?Ebenezer ScroogeGood afternoon,said Scrooge.Fred, Scrooge’s nephewsighsI am sorry, with all my heart, to find you so resolute. We have never had any quarrel, to which I have been a party. But I have made the trial in homage to Christmas, and I'll keep my Christmas humour to the last. So A Merry Christmas, uncle!Ebenezer ScroogeGood afternoon!said Scrooge.Fred, Scrooge’s nephewAnd A Happy New Year!Ebenezer ScroogeGood afternoon!said Scrooge.His nephew left the room without an angry word, notwithstanding. He stopped at the outer door to bestow the greetings of the season on the clerk, who, cold as he was, was warmer than Scrooge; for he returned them cordially.Ebenezer ScroogeThere's another fellow,muttered Scrooge; who overheard him:Ebenezer Scroogemy clerk, with fifteen shillings a week, and a wife and family, talking about a merry Christmas. I'll retire to Bedlam.This lunatic, in letting Scrooge's nephew out, had let two other people in. They were portly gentlemen, pleasant to behold, and now stood, with their hats off, in Scrooge's office. They had books and papers in their hands, and bowed to him.The portly gentlemanScrooge and Marley's, I believe,said one of the gentlemen, referring to his list.The portly gentlemanHave I the pleasure of addressing Mr. Scrooge, or Mr. Marley?Ebenezer ScroogeMr. Marley has been dead these seven years,Scrooge replied.Ebenezer ScroogecoldHe died seven years ago, this very night.The portly gentlemanWe have no doubt his liberality is well represented by his surviving partner,said the gentleman, presenting his credentials.It certainly was; for they had been two kindred spirits. At the ominous word "liberality," Scrooge frowned, and shook his head, and handed the credentials back.

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