Fantasy · Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland · Lewis Carroll · 1865 · 6:05

A Mad Tea-Party

Alice crashes a tea-party where it is always six o’clock: riddles with no answers, a Hatter who quarrelled with Time, and a Dormouse who cannot stay awake. (Abridged.)

NarratorAliceThe HatterThe March HareThe Dormouse

There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, and the March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it: a Dormouse was sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other two were using it as a cushion, resting their elbows on it, and talking over its head.AliceVery uncomfortable for the Dormouse,thought Alice;Aliceonly, as it’s asleep, I suppose it doesn’t mind.The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded together at one corner of it:The Hatter叫ぶNo room! No room!they cried out when they saw Alice coming.AliceindignantThere’s plenty of room!said Alice indignantly, and she sat down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table.The March HareHave some wine,the March Hare said in an encouraging tone.Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it but tea.AliceI don’t see any wine,she remarked.The March HareThere isn’t any,said the March Hare.Alice怒りThen it wasn’t very civil of you to offer it,said Alice angrily.The March HareIt wasn’t very civil of you to sit down without being invited,said the March Hare.AliceI didn’t know it was your table,said Alice;Aliceit’s laid for a great many more than three.The HatterYour hair wants cutting,said the Hatter. He had been looking at Alice for some time with great curiosity, and this was his first speech.AliceYou should learn not to make personal remarks,Alice said with some severity;Aliceit’s very rude.The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all he said was,The Hatter興味津々Why is a raven like a writing-desk?Alice興奮Come, we shall have some fun now!thought Alice.AliceI’m glad they’ve begun asking riddles.—I believe I can guess that,she added aloud.The March HareDo you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?said the March Hare.AliceExactly so,said Alice.The March HareThen you should say what you mean,the March Hare went on.Alice緊張I do,Alice hastily replied;Aliceat least—at least I mean what I say—that’s the same thing, you know.The HatterNot the same thing a bit!said the Hatter.The HatterYou might just as well say that ‘I see what I eat’ is the same thing as ‘I eat what I see’!The March HareYou might just as well say,added the March Hare,The March Harethat ‘I like what I get’ is the same thing as ‘I get what I like’!The DormouseYou might just as well say,added the Dormouse, who seemed to be talking in his sleep,The Dormousesleepythat ‘I breathe when I sleep’ is the same thing as ‘I sleep when I breathe’!The HatterHave you guessed the riddle yet?the Hatter said, turning to Alice again.AliceNo, I give it up,Alice replied:Alicewhat’s the answer?The HatterI haven’t the slightest idea,said the Hatter.The March HareNor I,said the March Hare.Alice sighed wearily.Aliceため息I think you might do something better with the time,she said,Alicethan waste it in asking riddles that have no answers.The HatterIf you knew Time as well as I do,said the Hatter,The Hatteryou wouldn’t talk about wasting it. It’s him.AliceI don’t know what you mean,said Alice.The HatterあざけりOf course you don’t!the Hatter said, tossing his head contemptuously.The HatterI dare say you never even spoke to Time!The HatterWe quarrelled last March—just before he went mad, you know—(pointing with his tea spoon at the March Hare,)The Hatter—it was at the great concert given by the Queen of Hearts, and I had to sing ‘Twinkle, twinkle, little bat! How I wonder what you’re at!’ You know the song, perhaps?AliceI’ve heard something like it,said Alice.The HatterWell, I’d hardly finished the first verse,said the Hatter,The Hatterwhen the Queen jumped up and bawled out, ‘He’s murdering the time! Off with his head!’Alice息をのむHow dreadfully savage!exclaimed Alice.The Hatterため息And ever since that,the Hatter went on in a mournful tone,The Hatterhe won’t do a thing I ask! It’s always six o’clock now.A bright idea came into Alice’s head.AliceIs that the reason so many tea-things are put out here?she asked.The HatterYes, that’s it,said the Hatter with a sigh:The Hatterit’s always tea-time, and we’ve no time to wash the things between whiles.AliceBut what happens when you come to the beginning again?Alice ventured to ask.The March HareSuppose we change the subject,the March Hare interrupted, yawning.The March HareI’m getting tired of this. I vote the young lady tells us a story.AliceI’m afraid I don’t know one,said Alice, rather alarmed at the proposal.The Hatter叫ぶThen the Dormouse shall!they both cried.The March HareWake up, Dormouse!And they pinched it on both sides at once.The Dormouse弱々しくI wasn’t asleep,he said in a hoarse, feeble voice:The DormouseI heard every word you fellows were saying.The DormouseOnce upon a time there were three little sisters,the Dormouse began in a great hurry;The Dormouseand their names were Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie; and they lived at the bottom of a well—AliceWhat did they live on?said Alice, who always took a great interest in questions of eating and drinking.The DormouseThey lived on treacle,said the Dormouse, after thinking a minute or two.The March HareTake some more tea,the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly.AliceoffendedI’ve had nothing yet,Alice replied in an offended tone,Aliceso I can’t take more.The HatterYou mean you can’t take less,said the Hatter:The Hatterit’s very easy to take more than nothing.AliceNobody asked your opinion,said Alice.The Hatter笑いながらWho’s making personal remarks now?the Hatter asked triumphantly.AliceReally, now you ask me,said Alice, very much confused,AliceI don’t think—The HatterThen you shouldn’t talk,said the Hatter.This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear: she got up in great disgust, and walked off; the Dormouse fell asleep instantly, and neither of the others took the least notice of her going, though she looked back once or twice, half hoping that they would call after her: the last time she saw them, they were trying to put the Dormouse into the teapot.Alice怒りAt any rate I’ll never go there again!said Alice as she picked her way through the wood.AliceIt’s the stupidest tea-party I ever was at in all my life!

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